DAY 089: I will look back and remember all this


November 18, 2008 | Tuesday

SEEMS THAT yesterday has run into this day! An officer told me that it’s 2 o’clock (in the morning?). He just brought my mail to me! I am not asleep, obviously. J And it feels like my head touched the pillow for only a few minutes. I really should start to clean because this cell is definitely not going to clean itself. That would be nice, though. 🙂

Good morning. Well, I knew this would happen. I have cleaned the cell thoroughly and I have dumped more than enough water on myself to get clean, but I am still on fire! The pepper spray from the walls and door are my arms, legs and sports on my body aflame! L Worse would be if I had actually been pepper sprayed. I was able to go out and walk around in the recreation cage so it’s not so bad. I will soon be escorted to the shower stall.

Funny how water seems to irritate the feeling even more. You would think that the water would wash it off, but the pepper gets into the body’s pores and you feel it throughout the day. It’s sort of strange to write from where I am today. I am completely enclosed in this cell and somehow a part of me feels as though I am still on Death Watch. I can imagine how they day is beginning over there. The early showers.  Sumo would be in the recreation cage right now. Crazy.

Afternoon: I only now heard that Kat got a stay! Good for him. That only leaves Blake. The odds have always been against us, but maybe he will make it off Death Watch too. Really hope so. I doubt that an execution will ever go by again without me being aware of it. This may shock you, however in the past I have purposely turned my attention away from executions unless it was of a really close friend. It shall never happen like that again. I guess that my thoughts were that it was much easier to not think about it. I just know that an execution will never be the same and I’ll pray for every single one.

An officer has told me that I will be escorted into a temporary cell because the welding crew is going to weld some other additional to the door. I’ll take this with me so that I can keep writing.

OK, so now I am in the temporary cell and the welders’ cart is right on the other side of this cell door. There are three inmates welders and the ever-watchful guard. One of the inmates is measuring lengths of angle iron while another cuts through them with the welding torch. And the others Is grinding away up above me. The noise is realy loud and echoing off the walls. The cutting torch has sparks flying everywhere. It’s hypnotizing. 🙂 Bad on the eyes, to look at the sparks, I know.

Late night: The burning sensation is no almost faded out. Being annoyed by the burning sensation throughout the day brought back tragic memories of when it’s happened to me. I recall how broke my body felt after a wrestling match with the goon squad.  The good squad consists of five men in Kevlar body protection, elbow and knee pads and shielded helmets. Riot gear. One hardly stands a chance and, worse, after they have emptied a container or two of pepper spray on you. Afterwards, the good squad prance around, patting each other on the back, as if they just accomplished the most difficult of tasks, as they laugh. Five men to one. Can’t do much more than pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep walking. For two consecutive days the execution chamber will be denied lives that could have been taken. I will survive all this and some day in the future I will look back and remember all this. The scares and the smiles. 


10 Responses to “DAY 089: I will look back and remember all this”

  1. Tina Church Says:


    Richard and I were all so honored to be your legal team. You are not only our client, but such a dear friend that so deserves that second chance at life. And yes, the offer still stands.

    Glad you dusted yourself off, you know that dust can case illnesses, and we don’t need anymore of those since you have been HEALED!!!!

    Everyone including Chico sends their love.

  2. K Says:

    I just wanted to share another quote from Maya Angelou :
    “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope.”
    I’m glad you have true friends who love you.

  3. Kiki Says:

    I keep being amazed at your way of looking at your life and what’s happening around you…. You have aquired such wisdom; you seem a much older person than you are, Rogelio.
    I am so happy that you have a really strong and caring legal aid team, that you have the friends you have, and that obviously you also have God… He is mightier than all human beings and if HE is for you, nobody can be against you. BUT, as long as we are on this earth, we must master our lives with our earthly means and minds. Therefore, I am proud of the way you behave and happy for the help you can get now, finally….

  4. Anna Pearl Thomas Says:

    Dear Roy, Your friend Francisco & I are thinking of you everyday and so glad about the stay! Did you get the photo I sent to you of Francisco? Stay positive and yes, prayer’s of the faithful are ever so powerful ! in Jesus name. Francisco & Anna

  5. Kiki Says:

    Hello dear Rogelio, just a line to say: We are still here and around!!! You are NOT forgotten, not a day, nor at any night….. Hang on!!!! 🙂

  6. Françoise Says:

    So few time, my dear friend. I will come later but in the meantime, I leave you another thought, a Chinese proverb, this time :

    “You cannot prevent the birds of the sadness from flying over your heads but you can prevent them from nesting in your hear”. (In your case, in your beard, too. Mind yourself ! Hi… hi… hi…)
    Un abbraccio.

  7. corina Says:

    Rogelio, Do you have a favorite tree? I’m going shopping soon for a tree to plant in your honor. Do you have any favorites?
    I hope you are doing well. We haven’t heard from you, are you out of stamps? Well keep your head up.

  8. Kiki Says:

    what an absolutely fab idea you have!!!! Hope you get your answer soon (before it’s too late to plant!).

  9. Shawn Says:

    Rogelio, as I said I would I did arrange three masses for you at
    St. Mary’s. I sent you a nice card the church gave me that says so but Cita was worried they wouldn’t let you have it. She said she would tell you about it but she doesn’t know when your masses are. I thought I should tell you so you can be at them in spirit. The first one is Dec. 26th at 5:30pm, then Dec. 28 at 11am, and the last Dec. 30 at 5:30. I will be there in person on your behalf.
    Grace and Peace,

  10. Isabelle Says:

    Shawn, this is so wonderful and touching, thank you, many times. I will be there in spirit too. I am sure there will be a lot of us praying together across borders. Did you know that December 30 is St Roger (Rogelio) day ? 🙂 isn’t it amazing and just great ?

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