DAY 032: How hard will it be to let go?

September 22, 2008 | Monday

IT HAS BEEN TWO weeks since I last saw Maria. I only now came back from a minister visit that she called me out to. I am a bit hyper right now because she fed me sugar, so excuse me if I sound like a hundred miles an hour. She fed me food, too, but it’s the sugar that always gets me like this.-) My hand is trembling involuntarily. Maria’s fault. Her minister visits are not counted against my monthly visits (I have only one this month). Neither are media visits (newspapers, TV news, etc.) counted. It was good to see and speak with her. She is well.

I met Maria years ago. Today she came in with that same worn Bible of hers. She has had that Bible forever! Maria leans on faith. She points to Scripture for guidance and prayer for answers. WE talk about religious views, life and salvation.

I won’t say that I’m strictly in line with any denomination or doctrine. I do know without a doubt that heaven exists and that God is the creator of existence itself. I also know that man, in his limited capacity, can never truly understand God, but in faith can you feel His presence, the presence of the Holy Spirit. That’s real.

I possess a curious mind, and although I cannot fully comprehend God in his infinite wisdom, I do understand that He embodies all creation. Love in all its degrees is defined by Him. Matter in all its forms is shaped by His will and I am a product of His intent.

I am fortunate to have maria point things out for me. She told me today that she would be there for me when my date comes nearer, if I’d allow her. I imagine what type of strain it will be and guess I haven’t given myself up for dead yet. I really should plan either way. How hard will it be to let go? I wonder.


4 Responses to “DAY 032: How hard will it be to let go?”

  1. Paloma Says:

    Roy, if you finally have to confront that situation, God will help you and surround you with his love. I’m sure of that. Maria and many people will be praying for you, embracing you from the distance. You are not alone. Talk to your angels, your spiritual guides, the deceased people you used to love. Talk to your own soul, there is a part of you that remains free and loving…
    Thinking of you

  2. Isabelle Says:

    Hello Rogelio my friend, don’t forget you are surrounded by the love of so many people, family and friends, you will not be alone. You are not alone. Tonight a small candle is burning for you in our mountain church as I write this. Here is a prayer that a common friend of ours in San Quentin sent me for you. I say it every night.
    “Dear Lord, my friend needs help, Please show me the way to reach out and to listen carefully. to lend a shoulder to cry on, to give sound advice, to avoid judgements, to be genuinely concerned and to bear the burden as if it were my own. I love my friend, Lord, and I want to do what’s right. Please protect this friendship that I cherish and see us through this time of need. Amen.”
    Thinking of you very much, Buddy. Love you too.

  3. Françoise Says:

    My dear friend Rogelio,
    If or when it will be the moment, your whole family, all your friends who cherish you – the best one and the new one all around the world – will be with you. You will have of all their names in your mind, all these sweet records of warmness and all this love surrounding you.
    And we all will have another life too, brighter and more serene. I like to imagine that our souls will fly over the places and the persons that we loved, watching over them, protecting them. It is like this that I am thinking of my sweet mother and my wonderful grand-father (did Isabelle tell you about Ulysse, the most nicest person I ever met?). Not a day they are not with me! Rare persons are never forgotten.
    If and when God would desire to have you very near from him… you could become a wonderful angel with a long, dark beard, flying east and west wearing a pure white Greek Toge, one book in each hand. You could wait for us, having long chats with your and our Mom (who was a very sociable, generous and friendly person, as your Chavela) and preparing a nice place for us. I like representing me the things like this.
    So my friend, as you use to say :” It’s how we deal with it : we laugh ”
    Thinking of you with affection, Françoise

  4. Kiki Says:

    Hey Rogelio; a table of a grand feast will be ready for you!!!! I love thinking of those who have passed away as this happy group of friends who are truly having the best of times, who tell each other stories, who sing and discuss together. I imagine my dad sitting on a comfy cloud seat and looking down on his daughter! I keep joking with my family that he is probably learning to play the cards and chess so that he can play with his buddies…..
    You may wear what you want; it’s not a question of fashion, I guess 🙂
    Like the thought of the white toga; without the drama of the Greeks! Like the thought that you haven’t given up, that you won’t be around to die on the 19th of November. Six friends have their birthdays around that date; you simply cannot go away and leave this earth, or can you?! – And would it be SO bad to be in a better realm?
    I can’t imagine how I would react…. I think I too would still plant a tree if I knew I had to die tomorrow, or as you do: Study a subject; keeps you occupied and who knows when it might be coming in handy… You’re doing so well!!!!!
    Cheer up, you’re wonderful!

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