DAY 078: I can smile through this

November 7, 2008 | Friday

I WOKE UP early and have found out that Elkie was executed. I am still here. In a few minutes I will be escorted to the shower stall. It will be good to let the water fall over me. Two days will pass before I am able to enjoy another complete shower. I’ll relax and enjoy this one. It’s a shower that may not have happened for me.

Mid-afternoon. I finally was able to purchase stamps and soap! Took long enough. When someone gets to within 14 days of his execution date, he is allowed to buy up to $180 worth of food items, or whatever, from the unit store. Still, the captain has hate for me. I was only allowed $10 of postage, soap and shampoo. Funny, I think.

I dictate how I feel, for the most part. All that food, the going out for longer periods of times to the recreation cage and the fake sympathy are all distractions from their true intent. That I don’t ask for anything must upset them.

I did apologize to the captain before I filled out my execution summary and waited for him acknowledge his disregard for my personal property.  I doubt that’s forthcoming and it only strengthens my resolve.

The cameras have now been installed into those two vacant cells. It is only a matter of time now before I am moved once again. So now what? The camera cell or the management cell? I will be less restricted in the camera cell. The management cell has no camera. 🙂

It’s amazing how we are able to adapt. It does not excuse what they are doing, nor make it right. However, all these years of living in harsh conditions has given me a more complete perspective. I can smile through this.

Late entry. Gigi came back from his all-day visit and was saying that his mother was being harassed! Did not understand all of what he said because he became angry and animated, but the gist of it all was that his family was being unfairly mistreated. Something told me to review my updated visitation list and not so surprisingly, it is error-filled. One last name was misspelled several different ways. Incompetence? No. Deliberate unprofessionalism. I won’t be able to get this corrected until Monday. I really need to have it fixed or my family will be denied entry to visit me on those last days. This low is how these people will stoop. Very low, indeed.

One Response to “DAY 078: I can smile through this”

  1. Françoise Says:

    Yes, Rogelio, it’s amazing how you are able to adapt and that you are the one who decides of how you feel!
    Every day is bringing with it some little satisfaction : a nice long shower, a new piece of soap or an interesting reading; but it also brings difficult situations to manage, various bullying and painful separations with your cell friends leaving for Huntsville. But you dictate the way you feel.

    A few days ago, thinking of you, I bought a small book, nicely illustrated, called “One idea of happiness per day”. So, from time to time, I will share one with you. Today, I choose that one which seems to me in accordance with what you wrote : “There is only one road to happiness, which is renouncing to the things which do not depend on our willingness.”
    With a strong hug, dear Roy.

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