DAY 036: It’s about my life

September 26, 2008 | Friday

WHAT I WOULDN’T DO for a washing machine! Guess I should consider the positive side of standing at my sink scrubbing clothes between my knuckles. I do think a lot. It’s late. The day has been a blur. Earlier today, it was rumored that somebody on another cellblock attempted suicide. I heard that one of the cellblock officers left to assist with… What would he assist with? More likely, just wanted to be lazy and nosy.

Suicide attempts happen here on occasion, when the pressures of this place push men into insanity. More often, insanity results without the suicide attempt, but then there is the rare man who methodically plots his own end. Mike was one of these. It is why they installed cameras to monitor a condemned man’s last days. Mike cheated the state of its plans for him. Mike always claimed that he was unjustly convicted, and on his last night, rather than let the state execute him, he took his own life. In his own blood, on the wall, he declared his innocence. I don’t know his exact words. A rare one, indeed.

Mail just came in and I received notification that my level status has been upgraded. Level status extends from 1 to 3, three being the worst. I’ve been upgraded to Level 2. It hardly makes a difference because my restrictions are still in place and I will not be moved among others. I’ll be allowed two visits this coming month (October). This month I still am expecting two of my brothers to show up.

I have not talked about family much, nor the loves of my life, because I hardly sat to consider the direction this forum would take.  I thought only that it would be about this situation and place. Obviously, it’s about more than that. It’s also about Isabelle and Juan, my best friends. Rhianon, my love. Tina, a dear friend who believes in me. Letty (Nene), my childhood friend. Maria, my minister friend. Margy and Ann, friends I have known. Tabitha, Raul, Carmen, Lucky Ludger, Collie, Marianne, my new friends. About my life.



4 Responses to “DAY 036: It’s about my life”

  1. Art Taylor Says:

    Hello Roy
    This is your friend from Harlingen, TX. I have just now found your web site and have read all you entries. You have truly captured a part of my heart. My thoughs and prayers will be with you always on your journey through your earthly life. I pray that you stay strong, you are such a wonderful and caring man. Your friend Art.

  2. corina Says:

    Rogelio, I think of you and pray. When ever I do something new I keep you with me, so that in some way you can experience it too. I also use your story to help me stay strong in the few times I have it hard. Thank you so much for sharing your writing. Thank you.

  3. deathwatchjournal Says:

    Dear Rogelio, you did keep yourself alive and sane in this bleak world of yours. You made it again and again thanks to your inner strenght and constant hope in a future. Stay strong now more than ever. We are with you always, together we are stronger, Buddy. Te queremos mucho, Isa y la familia.

  4. Françoise Says:

    Carissimo Rogelio
    Even with the best of our willingness, it it impossible for us to really catch all what you and your cell friends have to go through in your everyday life. Some are just surviving and some can’t even do it. And we can understand it, this environment is dreadful and hopeless for the one without strong motivation or faith. You are among the one who decided to go on, in a day-after-day struggle. Because of inextinguishable hope and faith, because you love the other and they love you too. So much.
    Ti pensiamo forte.

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