Day 034: The love tends to choke us

September 24, 2008 | Wednesday

I’M WAKING UP AGAIN to the sight of this cold steel door, the sounds of clanking keys and clamoring voices who are waking to this world, just like me — a world that is as real as yours. I’m waking up on Death Watch and, like those around me, I am staring down an actual day when the State plans to take my life, to execute me.

I wrote an article about the sequence of an execution, and my thoughts of the precise moments during the act. The article is titled, “The Last Sequence” (published elsewhere in this blog). It gives you a better understanding about what we on Death Watch think of on a daily basis, along with other dominating thoughts. We wake to thoughts of the last sequence (being executed) or some time during the day these thougts come to mind.

We also think of things concerning the world you live in. Like you, we have loved ones who we think of often. More so, I think, because of where we are. Like you, we also express it in different ways. At times, it’s not agreeable, and at other times, the love tends to choke us, as it would you when a loved one overcomes an obstacle in life and happiness triumphs.

You do not have to be in a situation like ours to slow down, look around you, appreciate and realize what matters in life. Kiss and hug your parents, tell them that they’re loved. Hug a sibling or a child so he knows you care. Whoever you love, tell them so they know. If they are not around, call them. It’s something we wish we could do. Friends and family, my expression of love may be at times supressed because I find myself within the bowels of this beast, but even from here, if you’re reading this, I love you.

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7 Responses to “Day 034: The love tends to choke us”

  1. Paloma Says:

    I love you too!!!
    Paloma

  2. Isabelle Says:

    Dear Buddy, I am translating this letter right now and just had to stop. Emotion choked me too, tears made the screen all blurred. Do you realize how deeply touching your words for your family and friends are ? You, living in this hell of coldness and lack of love, are telling us how to express our own love. It just breaks my heart because I know what a caring and affectionate person you are and could be to others if only you had the chance to show it… All your words show your realness and I am immensely grateful to be your friend. Thank you Buddy. You are loved by a lot ! You won’t forget that, will you ?

  3. Françoise Says:

    Dear Roy,
    I have just read you “Last Sequence” an hour ago and I felt so terribly down. Again, a deep feeling of revolt and incomprehension.

    And now, the heartbreaking letter of this “Day 34”. So full of emotion. Your heart is overflowing with love and tenderness. What an appalling waste!
    I wish the right persons might read your words and realize how all this is sad, terrible and useless. O God!

    And you know, even when you think that you are suppressing your expression of love, we can feel it between the lines. I will say like Isabelle: thank you Rogelio for all that your are giving to us, through your letters.
    Love

  4. Kiki Says:

    same here….. I make very sure that my beloved ones always know that I love them – in a matter of seconds everything can change and missed chances are lost forever.
    You are very much loved by so many, Rogelio. We also love your companions and your families. We will make sure that other people know what’s going on and how cruel and cold the law system is in your country.
    Things will change; maybe you won’t be around to see it happen – but it will.
    Love and courage
    Kiki

  5. James Says:

    I cant help but wonder how badly the parents would love to hug their child one more time….but cant anymore?

  6. Magda E. Gonzalez Says:

    I love you, too!

  7. Kat Briggs Says:

    So many times i’ve read this post. Everytime i do, it brings tears to my eyes, but i continue to re-read it because it reminds me of the things many people consider the ‘small’ thing that are actually so big and meaningful. A Kiss can melt a heart and a hug can save a life… Thankyou for reminding us Roy, you truly are an incredible person xo

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