DAY 029: I had to keep myself alive and sane

September 19, 2008 | Friday

JUST GOT BACK in from walking in circles outside (triangular circles?) 🙂 It was nice to finally breathe some fresh air and talk with my homeboy (friend) Joe B. I really enjoy listening to him talk about his travels in life, about the jobs he has had and being boneheaded too! I can relate. While outside, an employee from the prison mailroom came to deliver a book to me (The Georgetown Law Journal). Not sure who sent it but I do have an idea. I have told friends about Blackstone Career Institute that offers a legal assistant/paralegal diploma course by correspondence, which I hope to one day participate in. I won’t give in to the idea that my life will end on the 19th of November.

I still harbor thoughts about a future, as much as those around me, although it hasn’t always been this way. I have wandered most of my life and usually walked alone. My mother used to tell me when she’d visit that I would get out one day. After our visits, I’d walk back into this place and try to forget about the real world and that my convictions were flawed. Against the county officials who sent me to prison, I had no strength. In the initial years of my incarceration, I was transferred between different maximum security prisons and I lived the moment guessing that violence could erupt whenever. After, I didn’t know what, only that I had to keep myself alive and sane. All these years later, I have done both, althought there have been days when that was in doubt.

I should tell you now that initially I was sent to prison over a conviction that has come into question. It was while I was in prison that an older man attempted to make me his girlfriend. We fought. He died from injuries and, after four years of being placed in administrative segregation (isolation), I was sent to Death Row.

(Evening) My drinking water has gone out. Not sure what the problem is, but I do not have drinking water. Can’t believe this! I’ve asked to get it fixed but was told that nothing can be done, as the plumbers are gone for the weekend. I have to be moved into the next section. Nobody will be over there but I’m good. It will be quieter. Guess I gotta pick up and go.

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2 Responses to “DAY 029: I had to keep myself alive and sane”

  1. Isabelle Says:

    You are strong, Rogelio, you really are. You have gone through so much over the years and here you are, planning to participate in a legal course by correspondance. Your mother knew how strong her son was. From where she is now she is telling you “Don’t give up”. I join her and add “There are days of doubt of course but keep yourself alive and never lose hope, Roy”. Much love.

  2. Françoise Says:

    So many difficult, painful, sad experiences in your life, Rogelio! Thanks to your intelligence, your mental and soul strength, and to your faith in God and in yourself, you have succeeded in staying alive and sane. You have been able to resist with courage to this pressure all along these years.
    And for men of strong character (nature ?) doubting functions like a motor which push them forward. (If only it could function for me…).
    Your mother must be so proud of you.
    Con tanti cari saluti da noi.

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