DAY 050: It hurts

October 10, 2008

AFTERNOON RIGHT NOW. I was outside today! J Joe B. was pacing on the other side. Always cool to hang out with the old man. He was telling me about his thoughts concerning several guys around us. How he thinks they will react when they get closer to their execution. You can imagine why we talk about this. Joey was in the recreation cage where we could see him. I think, as Joe does, that Joey will need constant social contact on his last days. I hope it does not come to that, but for some of us, it’s a truth that cannot be avoided, execution. Maverick also came up because it is rumored that the man who claimed guilt has backed up on his statement. That man will get a life sentence and Maverick gets the short end of the stick. Maverick is scheduled once again to be executed this month, on the 30th.

Joe B. was called out to a legal visit, so I padded around outside by myself, lost in my thoughts. It was nice to breathe fresh air. I thought about how Isabelle, Juan, Rhianon and my family must feel about my days. It hurts. I had to look up at the sun and convince myself that the day is good because, after all, I am fortunate to have been out there.


2 Responses to “DAY 050: It hurts”

  1. Art Taylor Says:

    Hello Roy
    Stay strong my friend and brother in Christ, just remember God loves you and so do we. You are in our prayers daily.

  2. Françoise Says:

    I am writing you, today, November 1st! And I am wondering what happened to that poor Maverick. My heart is filled with consternation about what has happened to him. How may a human being resist to such shocks : “I will be executed, I will not be anymore. Alas ! I will be again.” Just to become mad. I imagine the long period of revolt, of fright, of mental preparation, of acceptation (if even it is possible to ever accept it). And then, you learn that you have been discharged. You begin to feel relieved from that terrible weight… and the horrible nightmare begin again. Unbearable. Unacceptable.
    For us, “outsiders”, it seems crazy to imagine the kind of conversation you and Joe B. have. You are talking of men who are about be be executed on a calm way (at least as far as I can imagine it), which proves how much all this became your everyday life.
    As to your last sentence “fortunate because there was sun up and you had been allowed to get out”, you are right : happiness is not a permanent state. It is made of small moments, a ray of sun, the daddy bird bringing a worm to his fledgling (I saw a lot this spring-summer at the chalet, they did a nest in a roof hole), a flower just bloomed, a smile caught by case on an unknown face in the street, a friendly word, all this may contribute to feel better.
    Hang on in there, my dear Rogelio. You will make it. We are all behind you, supporting you, loving you and praying for you.

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