DAY 074: Like digging my own grave

November 3, 2008 | Monday

GLAD THAT IT’S Monday because it’s our shower day! It’s early, but I am up. The shower stall is next to the cell I am in now and the noise has got me up. I will be last to shower.

Afternoon now. We were served a hot tray for lunch and now the silence is almost deafening! That slop has put everybody down for the count. It was not that good. It’s really quiet now. This time would be perfect for a game of chess. I have not played chess in a while. There are some men who play here, where I am now. I heard two guys playing last night. I think that I should draw a board and pieces. 🙂 Chess? How? We shout out each chess move from our cell and go back and forth. With each of us having a chess set (others in their cells keep up with the game also on their own boards). In the cell, it’s easy to play even at a distance, so long as your voice is strong enough. 

Something that I have been putting off is before me, the execution summary. This document is necessary. I must put Isabelle on my visitation list for certain, as she is coming from Switzerland. This document will accomplish that. I also need to decide who will claim my remains, if it comes to that. And I need to submit a list of those I want to witness my last moments of life. I hate to think that it will come to that, but if it does, I want my last sight to be the eyes of those who care and love me. This document . . . really is like digging my own grave.

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7 Responses to “DAY 074: Like digging my own grave”

  1. Shelley Says:

    I live in Australia and started reading your diary last week.

    I am not being cruel or a ‘bitch’ but I suppose you are there for a very good reason but unfortunately there are a lot of rats walking the streets today who deserve more than you to be in the place where you are now.

    I spent the weekend that should have been your last thinking about you and hoping that you were handling the situation ‘as well as can be expected’.

    I have to be honest and say that when I tuned in this morning Tuesday 18th November and found that you have a stay of execution, I was glad, rightly or wrongly. I’m not religious but I do wish you well. You have handled a very bad situation with a courage that I don’t think I could display.

    Regards
    Shelley

  2. Lara Says:

    I, like Shelley also live in Australia and started reading your stories last week.
    I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to know the date that you will die, it must be like being told you have cancer and only a couple of months to live.
    I am not religious but I do believe that people deserve a second chance, especially if they show remorse and sorrow for what they have done.
    You have shown a great deal of strength, humility and pride throughout your journal entries and I truly commend you for allowing strangers from around the world in to your life.
    Good Luck Rogelio, I wonder what the next few months will bring?
    Lara,
    From Down Under!

  3. Clare Egan Says:

    And another one of us young ladies from Australia, I’m Clare.
    Just letting you know that people all over the world are thinking of you.
    I wept with happiness when I heard you got a stay.
    Good luck, and stay strong.
    xo
    Clare.

  4. John-Paul Says:

    Hi, I’m a guy from Australia, and I was also very releived to see news of your stay. I was in the car on my way to work thinking about how this could be the day, but was very releived. I do not beleive the death penalty is just. I feel that a country like the USA which claimes to be based on Christianity, should follow the cornerstone of the faith, forgiveness. I am a religious person, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that what they are doing is hypocrytical. When a person repents, and truly wants forgiveness, it should be granted to him. Jesus never refused to forgive someone who truly repented and wanted it. Good luck earning a permanent right to live (which should be a given in a world that values human rights) beyond March 2009 Roy, we hope that the new government in the US can do something to change the country for the better.

  5. Laura Says:

    hi, im from australia too… since reading all your entries last week (im hooked!) i think that sometimes it does not even seem real! it feels like you are reading an intense story… but it is odd to think that all this is real… i have been on the website and read up on all the people you mention in your entries, and its so surreal to put faces to names! what does it mean you have a ‘stay of exectuion’? what does that mean? i wish you all the best.

    laura…

  6. Mika Says:

    I just heard about you and your blog and haven’t really had the time to read it thoroughly but from what I’ve read I believe you are serving your sentence for a reason. However I am glad you got a stay. I’m a life long atheist so faith has nothing to do with this for me. It’s just that in my oppinion a country which claims to be free and just and utilizes death penalty is far from it. If you take a look at the list of countries that still have capital punishment you’ll see that in addition to the States it has a bunch of other “civilized” and “free” countries such as: China, Iran, Iraq and North Korea (three of these are “The axis of Evil”, oh the irony 😛 ). “Land of the free, home of the brave” my ass, as long as USA stays on that list I consider your legal system to be badly flawed and hypocrite.

    Death penalty, no matter how you look at it, is basically just a state authorized murder. Murder is already prohibited by law so why should any (wo)man, or (wo)men, have the authority to break that law and get to decide who lives and who dies? I – as most of the people in the industrial countries outside the US – believe that there are certain fundamental human rights that are universal and cannot be taken away by any person or goverment. The right to live is one of them. You have broken that right and been punished for that but still it gives no man the right to take your life away. In the words of Gandhi: “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”

    I hope you can find a way to get yourself off the death row because although I strogly disgaree with what you have done I still believe you should have a life, even if it has to be spent in jail. I send you my regards Helsinki, Finland.

    -Mika

  7. Françoise Says:

    It has really been a terrible last will and testament that you have had to fill in, dear Roy. I can hardly imagine your state of mind when writing it. Facing its own death and having to take decision for the one we are leaving is surely very difficult and painful. But in your case, it takes such a terrible dimension!
    We all are in thoughts with you, dearest friend.

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