DAY 091: How else do I remain upright?

November 20, 2008 | Thursday

IT IS MID-MORNING and I have been up most of the night. I only now got my property back since it was taken yesterday. The night has been unbearably cold. I have paced back and forth, trying to keep warm. A lot has happened since I was taken out of the cell, and I want to gather my thoughts to recount it all as it happened.

The cellblock was thoroughly searched. OK, so they strip-searched me then handcuffed and lead me out of the cellblock. Once out of the cellblock, I was directly confronted by the warden, who waved us through. All along the hallway that stretches for 100 yards in length were more officers than I have ever seen in one place at one time. I was escorted past the warden and down the hallway until we came to a set of officers who waved metal detectors over and around me. Then down the hallway we proceeded until we arrived at a junction in the hallway. Ahead and behind me were other prisoners going through the same. Directly in front of me was a metal detector chair that I was ordered to sit on. After it failed to beep, I was escorted into the opposite end of the hallway and held against the wall as those in front of us moved slowly along. Other men were escorted to the medical building. I found out later that their bodies were X-rayed in an unsuccessful search for cell phones. I was marched back through the congested hallway to the cellblock and into this cell.

All of my property was gone. The cell was bare of everything and the steel bunk dirty with boot prints from somebody stepping all over it. I had no rag to clean it. I was in this cell with nothing but the boxer underwear I wore on my way out of the cell.

Without a mattress to lay on, nothing to read or to write on, I kept thinking of what I should say about the day. I finally got my pencil and am able to write.

Last night the vent was blowing out cold air and as the night set in, it brought with it another cold front. I sat on the table (the only clean spot in this cell) but, as it got colder, I began to pace so that I could warm up. I was told that our property would be brought shortly, so I waited. I kept looking out through the front slots and the Plexiglas hoping that they would bring anything, if only to wipe the steel bunk clean so that I could lie down.

I eventually sat back down on the table, pushed my knees up and dozed off for a few minutes. The cold floor woke me as I hit the ground. I got up and paced. It must have been past 12 o‘clock when I sat on the floor by the door and leaned my back against the wall that had been covered in pepper spray only the day before. It was the farthest away from the cell’s back wall that was radiating a terrible chill. Initially, the pepper spray residue gave me a burning sensation (I did not get it all, fortunately), but it kept me warm enough to doze off again.

All this that’s happened hardly matters because I’m alive. I was supposed to die yesterday. I have an attorney who believes in me and has demonstrated that he fully intends to present our case to the courts. I have an investigator who will not give up. That is what matters to me. Almost two decades of incarceration has taught me patience.

I have been told that no showers will be allowed so I should wipe the cell clean, put my books in place and bathe from the sink.

Late entry: Mailroom employees came by with a letter from the court. Seems that a hearing is scheduled to reset my execution date if they see the necessity. My faith in my legal team of Richard Ellis and Tina Church remains unshaken and I thank God for walking with me. My strength I attribute to the Holy Spirit. How else do I remain upright?

The whole Death Row building is being searched yet again. Earlier today the warden came walking through. It has been a very long day. The cellblock officer told me that it’s 10:30 p.m. but could not say if Blake was executed. Sack meals were handed out.


9 Responses to “DAY 091: How else do I remain upright?”

  1. Tracey from Australia Says:

    It is good to see you are still writing. It is good to see you are still here.

  2. Tina Church Says:


    You continue to walk with God. Richard and I are working, and yes, Jose is too! We are going know where, and will walk with you.

    Love ya,


  3. Rhianon Says:

    Roy, still missing you so much, really hoping to hear from you soon. Love you more, your Rhianon. xx

  4. Ann Chapman Says:

    Dear Roy, please don’t stop sharing your life with us. We need to know what you are going back to. This journal is important, it matters, it will make a difference for good in the world. Stay strong and grow that beard all the way to the floor!

    Love from Cita-Ann

  5. Art Taylor Says:

    Greetings Roy
    My love and prayers go out to you brother through God’s grace and mercy you stay strong. The day will come my friend when all of these stupid actions of our system are set aside and God will take control and there will be no more of these malicious attacks upon His precious children. So until that day stay strong my friend and I will keep you in my prayers.

  6. Shawn Says:

    Dear Rogelio,
    Today it snowed and I took a picture of my rose bush blooming – a beautiful rose dusted with snow, a deep fucia contrast with the white frost and gray morning sky. That is your beautiful soul in the midst of the ugliness and the sorrow that surrounds you. You make everything beautiful. Keep it up.Unfurl and show the richness of the color of your spirit even and especially in the frozen lanscape of inhumanity you inhabit. You infuse our cold inhumanity with your warmth and breadth of character. Your journal is a real gift to me. Thanks.

  7. jess Says:

    dear roy,
    thank you for still writting your diary entries…i find them most interesting and you are in my heart…i still pray for you every day!

  8. Innocence Says:

    Good day Rogelio. Remember me? Most likely you don’t, as you have had much more important things to worry about lately. Anyways;I am the pro DP guy that wrote to you before. I just want you to know that I am very happy to see that you’ve got a stay and that you continue to dcument your days on DR. I did not and will not change my opinion about the DP. Only thing I wish to say is that I find it a “verguenza” the way you are treated by people that are supposed to be an example. How sick can they ever get? Stay strong dear Ro, I’m the pro that’s on your side.

  9. Julia Says:

    I am thinking of you.
    Take care of yourself.

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