DAY 035: Nobody can see me there

September 25, 2008 | Thursday

EVENING TIME. The recreation cage that sits directly below and in front of this cell has been opened for us. It is being used to avoid a backlog of recreation time for those on Death Watch. We (Death Watch) are an isolated segment, even among Death Row. There are ways to communicate, however. It’s usually by shouting or through written messages passed by one ingenious way or another. 🙂 Ever heard that necessity is the mother of ingenuity? We are the sons of necessity. Well, sort of . . . 

I was speaking to Alvin Kelly earlier. I am housed on the second floor of this section by myself, but I still have a few men like Alvin who climb the bars to the second floor and stand only five feet from me.  It’s not allowed, but Alvin is boneheaded and doesn’t care. Old Man Kelly wanted to talk with me about salvation and, by God, try to stop him. Isn’t happening! Alvin is a riot all by himself, as well as an intelligent man who lives by The Word. I found out yesterday that they put him in the camera cell because the courts eagerly scheduled his execution date for as quickly as possible. 

Alvin is schedule to be executed within two weeks. Before Scooter. Two men were spared, but this month the executions roll on and often. Alvin, Stien, Gigi, Bobby, Joey and Nenno on this month (October).

I’ve been asked how I deal  with what I’m faced, and I really don’t have an answer. Not really. I know that I am not numb to my situation because I realize what happens when one of us is taken from this place and he doesn’t return. I think about a friend who was executed. I was told by a witness how it seemed that he fell asleep once the poisons began to flow. Minutes later, he was pronounced dead and his eyes came open. His eyes stared blankly into the ceiling.

I do realize where I am, but think that all these years of separation from the real world have calloused me to my own pain. It’s on the inside that I shed tears. Nobody can see me there.

Alvin wanted to know if I had a radio so we could have church. How? It’s common knowledge now that we can speak to each other (whoever is in the vicinity) by wiring in our radios and talking into a broken headset that acts as a microphone. It’s basically a 5-cent intercom system. He wanted to stretch a wire across the ceiling from his cell to this one so we could talk about God, have church. Old Man Kelly and his “underground” church! A problem exists: I have no radio. Sons of necessity?

4 Responses to “DAY 035: Nobody can see me there”

  1. Ann Chapman Says:

    I have a wish for those of you who are getting to know Roy through this online journal: I wish you could see his handwriting. It is very artistic and totally unique. I’ve never seen anything like it. Sometimes Juan will use a computer emoticon in his transcription. But, oh my, to see Roy’s hand drawn “emoticons” — they are a wonder! They tell you exactly what he is feeling. And he does little drawings….and sometimes large ones….in his letters. After you see one of his handmade birthday or Christmas cards, a Hallmark card is bound to disappoint.

    As the days go by, he is getting more comfortable, more open in his journal writing; he is letting you see more and more of what I call his “Royness.” It has been my privilege and pleasure to know him. He is one of a kind.

  2. Paloma Says:

    … And he always write “ha ha” or “smile” after one ot his lovely hand-made “emoticons”, so one ALWAYS smile 😉

  3. Kiki Says:

    Rogelio, another eye opener yet…. Can’t anybody just send you a small radio? Are you not allowed anything? If I could do just that for you….?! Let me know, if you may!

  4. Françoise Says:

    It’s Sunday, a dull afternoon of November. No cleaning, neither washing today but a nice lunch with my second son. Now he went back to his home. I am looking in the Journal, searching for some messages from Roy which I have already read but not answered yet. And I found this important one. Between comments relative to his conversations with his friend Alvin and about their technological skills, Rogelio is describing us with sincerity and lucidity the way he is dealing with his situation. Moving and heartbreaking words. Grown men do cry and our courageous and strong Roy too. Inside.

    I plugged the television, a musical channel. They are giving the 7th Symphony of Beethoven. It’s strange, it suits very well to my present inner mood. Sometimes a little bit sad, like the weather, sometimes with strong movements, like a surge of rage, of revolt, but sometimes, notes are rising up into the air, light, full of hope. Music, as a precious gift of God, is a good remedy against soul pains.
    I would like to remain on these cheerfull notes but I shed tears too.
    You are so near from our hearts, Roy.

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