DAY 018: I began to feel empty inside

September 8, 2008 | Monday

HAD ANOTHER VISIT today. I’ve known Maria Fox a couple of years but haven’t seen much of her in my recent past. Maria felt how I was still bothered about something, and talked to me about my faith. In that I could be stronger. I’ve struggled with this for years. As a kid I was told something that may have shook my faith in an unconscious way. My grandma was who told me once that when the church rang its bell at noon, that they allowed the devil out to get the bad kids who were on the streets. My grandma had lost her leg to diabetes and at her age,  it must have been difficult to keep up with my three brothers and me. One summer day after she had passed, I was at the school playground, only a couple of houses from my home when the church bell rang. I got up and and ran. Knowing that I would not make it home, I hid in some bushes until the bell  stopped ringing, then ran home as quickly as my little feet would take me. I think that when I got home and the devil had not got me, unconsciously I misplaced my face. 

A couple of years ago I began to feel empty inside. I began to question my purpose for living and realized that I was on the verge, lost. I still have my moments but have come to understand without a doubt that God is real and represented in all that exists.


6 Responses to “DAY 018: I began to feel empty inside”

  1. Ann Chapman Says:

    Juan, can Roy still receive mail? Does he have a new address? What are the rules about mail and books in this new place?


  2. Isabelle Says:

    God is in your heart, Buddy, you are never alone, He will never leave you.
    I think of you a lot, so happy to read you again 🙂 thank you.

  3. Juan R. Palomo Says:

    Nothing has changed regarding his mail privileges, as far as I know. He recently asked that I send him some books, so I’m sure he can receive books. Now, as he has hinted, there is a real possibility that mailroom folks are messing with/withholding his mail, but none of that is official. He still has the same address.

  4. Sr Ruth Evans Says:

    Dear Rogelio,
    We continue to pray for you here at this Poor Clare convent in England.
    I hope that your faith in Jesus will remain strong. He is with you. I often think of you.
    God bless, Sr Ruth

  5. Françoise Says:

    Don’t ever doubt, Roy.
    As Isabelle says, you are never alone. God is watching at you with tenderness. And we too.

    Thank you for going on writing and strengthening links with all of us

  6. Kiki Says:

    If the ‘older and wiser’ ones would know of the effect a ill spoken or carelessly uttered ‘lesson’ can have on a child, there would be less trauma. Me too I had experiences which haunted me for years; until I was ready to realise that it wasn’t meant to hurt me… Your story is so real I can see you hiding!
    I am glad that you seem to have made your peace with God. If nobody can help you, HE can.
    A wise person told me her ‘mantra’ in life: You can never fall lower (deeper) than in God’s hand. May this give you strength too.

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