Promise to My Roy

April 20th, 2010 | Thursday
How can I express what I feel? How can I even write as my body shakes with sobs? Just when I think my tears have dried out, a dam opens and they start to rush out… I will tell you this, though, I feel stronger than I thought I would be. Not many people understand this, but I know that many of you on here do. Roy and I believe we became one. We could feel each other, whether across the miles that separated us, or looking into each other’s eyes across a window. He promised he would be with me always. He asked me to call on him when I felt despair, and he would cover me with his love. I feel him with me now. Yesterday, as I physically held him close to me, my heart broken to pieces, I asked him to carry me through. He is. My pain is for myself, for I am selfish and want him here. I know he is finally running free. No more chains around his wrists. No more sadistic guards dragging him around like a sub-human. His is now covered by the love of those who went before him, and he is waiting for me. I told him he’d better not mess around with some angel up there cause I just won’t be having that! He laughed and told me I’d better not get up there too soon! I wish everyone had known the beautiful person that he was. He was loved so much. I’ll tell you a secret… a few guards actually cried for him and said they would miss him. He was a beautiful person.
We had some beautiful moments. We said all we needed to say to each other. His family was wonderful to me, and I will hold them in my heart forever. There were so many of us there. We had to run in and out just to make sure everyone got to be with him. It was unbelievably kind of them to sacrifice minutes off their time to allow us the extra moments alone. They were a part of him, so I love them. He left us with dignity, he left us with laughter.
He is here with me. I can remember the things we talked about, and it makes me smile. I miss him terribly. I know it will get harder before it starts to get better. Eventually, I will receive all his last letters. I will no longer have a reason to run to the mailbox. I do have our dreams, though. We knew that in our dreams, everything was possible.
I will not stop fighting for Roy. His friends and legal team will not stop fighting for Roy. We believed in him, and his death only motivates us to keep moving forward.
I promised you, Roy, I would never leave you alone. I promised you, Roy, I would fight an army for you… all 4’10” of me. This is far from over. The laugh is on those that did this to you, because we will still be here, fighting this injustice. Be with me, Love.
Yours Always and Forever, Norma

7 Responses to “Promise to My Roy”

  1. Marie Says:

    Dear Norma. I never met Roy but by the way of this blog I can see that he was a nice person. As you said Roy is with you forever.. Keep strong. With you. Marie.

  2. Kiki Says:

    a wonderful testimonial of your love for Roy, dear Norma…. It brought tears to my eyes too – again… I also firmly believe that all those who were writing to the judges and helpers will not stop to write now; this matter is far too serious to leave alone – innocent people have to be freed; and even guilty ones should get their justified lesson but never, ever a death penalty.
    Norma, you are included in our prayers; this week is a very heavy one for us, three dear human beings died; none of their own choosing.
    But in every life there are moments and days when we think we cannot do one other step, overcome one more obstacle – and then – we can and do and wonder, maybe years later, where we got the courage and strength from. It’s good of you and for you to stick together with Rogelio’s family – you can give each other strength, courage, and in time you will share laughter too. You can tell all you know about your friend and their son, brother, friend…. you’ll weave a beautiful warm shawl, you’ll quilt a cover of loving thoughts and prayers – I just know it.
    One consolation is that Roy is now in a happier place; it has to be since his old abode was such a terror and horror. And we all know that those men working and demeaning prisoners are not happy people… or they couldn’t be so unloving and cruel. They need forgiveness too.
    Much love, a big warm hug and all my wishes for strength and courage, for a ‘smile in the face of the adversary’ and a song of peace for Roy.

  3. V Says:

    to roys family and friends with great condolences from me and my family the rochas from la feria texas. i am so sorry for every thing that happenned he was my grandmas neighbor i knew his mom gloria and some of his brothers and his sister we use to play hide and seek, touch, anyways i just want to let the people know that he was not a bad kid. all he wanted and needed was love and attention or affection. we were the same age and i cant believe what happenned to him. Life is so beautiful and i cant believe what they did to him and his family. why dont people stop and think what were those kids doing at that party if they wanted to be lawyers or whatever which i dont believe. i still ask if they were such perfect kids what were they doing there?

  4. trish Says:

    Dear Norma, You probably dont know me, but I went to school with roy. I admire your love and support. I know you never left his side. I still remember his smile and laughter in school. I know that he is now in a better place. May God bless you and his family.

  5. Maria Martinez Says:

    Norma, my name is Maria Martinez & Roy was a friend of mine. I had a minister visit with him last week & he spoke of you. My prayers are with you & the family. The last time he had a date he asked me to burn his favorite songs on a CD. I have them to share with you, Juan & Isabel. Take care & god bless.

  6. Isabelle Says:

    Dearest Norma, this is the most touching and loving testimony for your Roy, thank you so much for sharing it with us all. I know you miss him more than words can express. And yet in them I see the wonderful loving, attentionate, generous and determined fiancée Roy had the chance of having in his too short life. I am grateful to you for the happiness his “pearl” brought in his heart. Yes, he called you so. I miss him too, very much, all of us who knew him will in different ways. Remember Norma, I am with you, just a thought, a call, a mail away. Take good care of you, I love you.

  7. Christine Says:

    Dear all of you,

    All my condolence to you, to Norma, Roy’s family, Isabelle, Maria, V, Juan Kiki and all the others who loved Roy.
    God bless you and help you on the path you have to walk now without Roy.

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