I am not ready to give up on myself yet

May 2nd, 2010 | Sunday

I was just speaking to my neighbor who is scheduled for execution a week before I am.  He says that it is over for him and he was asking about my thoughts of the afterlife.  Honestly speaking I have my two feet firmly set in this life and am not ready to give up on myself yet.  I entertained his conversation though because eventually death is just as certain as taxes. 

 So the Afterlife…  God.  Heaven?  Nirvana?  Home.  Who can be sure where we go?  We talked about near death experiences.  He told me of having been in an auto accident and that he was medically dead for 5 minutes.  He says that he felt safe where he was and did not want to come back but was forced to.  I don’t understand why he has an ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach if he experienced such a profound calmness that he was forced from.  I told him that.  He says that he has become attached to this world again.  Of this I can understand.  I came close to being executed before and I recall the acceptance that I felt which gave me great relief in the face of death.  It was more than religion.  It was God’s will itself holding me steady.  I did not make it to the afterlife, obviously, and am really happy about that.  I can tell you about a man I met a month after my arrival on death row.  I was let out into a large recreation area among other men however next to this large recreation area was a smaller cage.  In that smaller recreation area was a man who was scheduled to be executed that night.  I walked past and he called me so I stopped to speak with him.  I had not known that he was to be executed that night.  I recall the glossy look in his eyes as he spoke of his pending death.  I thought that he was deranged when he told me that for years he had wondered about the afterlife.  He said that on this night he would finally find out.  His curiosity got a grip of me and he knew because he looked at me and said that if I wanted to know, at 6:00Pm when his execution was taking place for me to turn off my radio and to look around me for a sign.  He said if there was any way that he could communicate with me, he would.  That night I sat and concentrated on everything around me.  Nothing happened.  No screeching or sounds of chains.  No cup tipping over or the toilet flushing on it’s own.  Nothing.

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6 Responses to “I am not ready to give up on myself yet”

  1. Nickie Says:

    I found out about your situation only 4 days ago through a friend of Isabelle here in Switzerland and immediately sent an appeal to the Representatives of the State of Texas.
    I met Darryl Burton at a lecture in St. Louis last month. He was wrongly convincted of murder in 1984 and spent 24 years in jail before his case was judged again and he was exonerated in 2008. He now spends his time and energy helping others in same situations. So I wrote to him too.
    Feel the prayers, positive thoughts and friendship coming your way from different parts of the world. I do so hope this chain of support will help change the decision. Thinking of you. Nickie

  2. Kiki Says:

    Roy; I liked what you thought about ….It was God’s will itself holding me steady. I did not make it to the afterlife, obviously, and am really happy about that. …. I firmly believe that people die only when it is – in some way I cannot understand nor explain – ‘allowed’ by God or when He needs you to be ‘there’…. and I often thought that obviously (to me) you weren’t meant to be dead (yet). Of course it’s the judge who’s deciding whether you may live or not but he/she surely should be under the reign of a higher power, or not?!
    With you I have a strong feeling that you probably will be around a long, long time, helping others who suffered injustice over not committed crimes, to overcome THEIR heavy burdens, to find the strength to go on, to be a helper for the helpless….
    I too have sent my letters out to all the possible addresses; even if they might not move anybody’s soul it’s a sign that ‘they’ are being watched and closely so….
    You might also have overlooked ‘the sign’ your dying friend left for you; maybe you didn’t look for the ‘right’ sign…. In any case; we all only will know what’s OVER THERE when we’re there but it should be a wonderful place. Something you can’t really say of the place you find yourself in right now.
    Thoughts and prayers for you and your mates.
    Kiki xoxoxoxo

  3. Virginia Says:

    Dear Rogelio, NO, do not give up !! We are all trying our best to see that you have another chance to prove your innocence. We are thinking of you and praying that tomorrow and Tuesday will bring about a good turn of events. We are so relieved to see that so many people have taken your case so seriously and are acting accordingly.
    I’m looking forward to seeing more of your paintings!!!!! You have so much to show us.
    Sleep well tonight and know that a higher power is watching over you.
    With love to you and others in your plight,
    Virginia

  4. Christine Says:

    Dear Roy,

    I discovered your existence through Isabelle, your swiss pen pal because she asked us to write for you to the representatives of Texas. I am also pen pal for a prisoner on death row, in Georgia. I read your journal and I can understand your feelings.
    I don’t know what is going to happen. I think of you and send you many positive thoughts. If you have to die now, you won’t be alone, we all think of you and pray for those who believe in the strength of prayers. If you live, you won’t be alone either.
    Yesterday, on TV news, there were interviews of Iranian students who escape Iran because they were arrested and tortured. I mean, their stories are just as crazy as yours. It seems humankind is driving mad. I don’t know how far it has to go to let us all stand up, and say : “Stop”. All harm done to one human being is harm done to all humankind, and all good done to one human being is done to all of us. How long will it take to open our eyes ?
    I wish you all the best possible, knowing my power on earth is little, But you have to know you are not alone, because you are in a network, a web of friendship and support.
    God bless you and your family
    Christine

  5. Toni Says:

    I just want you to know that I pray for you and all the other inmates on deathrow. Thank you so much for allowing individuals such as myself to read your thoughts.

    God Bless You,

    Toni

  6. pinks Says:

    Hi I’m from rgv and have recently learned about his execution. Mr. Cannady has been in my thoughts these past few days. Just want him to know that he’s in my prayers and will keep praying till the end:) may peace be with him….

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