I may have grown accustomed to this horrible environment, but I doubt that I will ever get used to death

April 26, 2010 | Monday

Another day in paradise.  That is obviously an exaggeration but at least it’s how I’ve viewed things because I’m still above ground.  The man next to me, Billy, feels the same way.  I have been in this situation before although my attorney found substance to a claim I made years ago, an investigator who testified against me conspired, lied and perjured himself to send me to prison when he swore under oath to tell the truth.  This kept me from being executed on the 19th of November, 2008.  I hope to stay above ground.  However, I am still set to be executed in less than a month’s time.  I’ll remain hopeful.

Billy knows that on the 13th of May (in 17 days) he will be executed.  Billy talks about lies that his co-defendant says about him.  He talks about how he hates that his dad will see him go and he says there is a nagging feeling in his gut which won’t go away.  I have been here before.  Years ago I thought that I would probably fall apart if I ever got to this point.  Years of being screwed around have made me stronger than I thought possible.  Deep down inside I am still that teenage kid who used to roam around a small town named La Feria…  Population, 5000?

I have looked into the eyes of men on their way to the execution chamber and heard their last words to me.  I may have grown accustomed to this horrible environment, but I doubt that I will ever get used to death.  Never that.

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3 Responses to “I may have grown accustomed to this horrible environment, but I doubt that I will ever get used to death”

  1. Tina Church Says:

    I will lift Billy up in prayer Roy. You pray for him too, and I know you will.

  2. Thelma G. Says:

    Roy,

    I started to read your blogs about 2 weeks ago–including your older ones. I feel like I know you—I can actually see everything you write about…it seems so real. Your thoughts and how you explain yourself are so deep. I’m from the valley too–small town–Raymondville. I know your brother Bobby from long long time ago–I used to hang out in La Feria all the time. Anyways, I really feel for you. I feel bad about your situation and don’t understand how you can be so so strong!! I hope for a miracle…may God Bless you and be with you and your family.

  3. Kiki Says:

    It’s nearly May 13th here, Roy….. and Billy is in my prayers too. Nobody can get used to death, and we aren’t meant to get used to death. Tell Billy in your thoughts that there IS life after death… but of course this won’t arrive at yours before he will be gone and has found out for himself!
    I feel so sad for all of you; especially knowing that so little can be done – but also about all this wasted time and wasted opportunities, on all sides!
    Tomorrow is Ascension Day; it’s a day for ascending not extinction! Something is terribly wrong here. I go to bed now and I shall include Billy especially in my prayers. There are SO MANY out there in pain, trouble, spiritual and bodily wreckage, desperately ill and weak.
    May GOD give you strength, and comfort, and courage, and forgiveness, and may your life change for the better …. soon!

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