I can’t see myself dying for something I did not commit

April 25, 2010 | Sunday

Still with me?  I just heard somebody say that the barber is coming on the cellblock and I really do need a haircut.  Haircut or hairviolation?  Hairviolation is more accurate because most barbers who come from the general population to cut our hair on Death Row are less than amateurs, the bums.  In fact they may have been left looking mangy themselves and are out looking to spread that hairstyle.

Was standing at the door waiting to lay eyes on the hair butcher but instead found some distinct marks on the door.  Somebody before me pressed stick marks on the door and the words, “61 Days Left.”  Somebody counted his last days in this cell.  It shouldn’t surprise me, afterall I am in the same state which is most active in carrying out executions.  I am on Death Watch section itself.  I can’t see myself dying for something I did not commit.  It certainly is a morbid situation that I am in.  Too many years and still I am unable to prove my innocence.  It’s times like these when I feel an ugly lump in my throat, frightened but after all these years of being forgotten this fright has become a source of strength of sorts.  It clears my mind.  This feeling of fright forces me to identify the cause and admit to myself that a problem exists.  Words are too easy in expaining how I manage to contain such a strong emotion as fright.  Gaining control is a bit more difficult but given my circumstances what choice do I have?  We have to hold steady, think.

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3 Responses to “I can’t see myself dying for something I did not commit”

  1. Kiki Says:

    Yes, my philosopher…. keep steady. It’s no good either – I guess – proposing to let your hair grow…. as did Samson….. as you can’t get out of your misery thanks to more or less hair. So let your mind speak and have it chopped or not…. maybe it’s going to be a good hair day?! 😉
    Rogelio, we are with you, every day, every night, praying, sending positive thoughts – rest assured and stay calm.
    Love, Kiki

  2. Tina Church Says:

    Roy,

    You hang onto your faith.

    Hugs,

    Tina

  3. Françoise Says:

    Yes, Rogelito, Keep steady.
    I’m back. Not very visible, I admit, but back, since the first day Isa told me about the new date. You are always in my mind, in my thoughts.
    I am so deeply sorry, dear Roy and so full of hope, too. I can’t help hoping. I hope that something will happen, like a miracle, I hope in Richard, Michael, Antonio and Tina, your Hebrew slaves. I hope in all the positive thoughts sent to you by the so many people loving you, all your friends. I hope that, finally, the one who will have to statute on your case will understand that they have to change their mind and accept to reconsider everything from the very beginning.
    I came back from four and a half weeks in Ethiopia (yes, again). In fact, it should have been 3.5 weeks but a small volcano in Iceland decided another way, blocking air communications for some time. During all those days, turning with a group through the country, the very deep Ethiopian countryside, there was no Net, no possibility to communicate. And in Addis Ababa too, everything is so complicate.
    But I am here with you and trying to share this ugly lump in your throat and to imagine the difficulty of containing the strong emotions which are yours.
    Un fuerte abrazo from Checca

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