I may have only days to live but I will try to squeeze as much happiness as I can from them. I’ll do that.

April 22, 2010 | Thursday

My blog has certainly not gone according to script. Where I once had an idea to write more generally about who I am and my surroundings. It’s been replaced by my immediate circumstances: an execution date that is only 28 days away.  It’s ver early and just heard two voices although I only understood the response that came from William Berkley, AKA: Ghost. “I’m packing my shit,” as the response. Ghost is hours away from his planned murder. His execution is scheduled for today.  Seems like déjà vu… I was in this exact same cell as I watched others walk off this cell block never to return. William Murray (Scooter). Alvin Kelly. Kevin Watts (Stein) and Joseph Ries. Bobby Woods. Erick Nenno. Gregory Wright. Elkie Taylor. George Witaker. Bobby Woods. Denard Manns. They are only a fraction of those I have seen on their last day. It’s a strange thing to say that, insane to remember those last moments and within the next two hours Ghost will walk out if this cellblock too. I’ll pray for his return:

Holy Spirit, mysterious, ever-present yet invisible, you are the light of our souls even when we are in darkness. At the beginning, you brought the Son of God into this dark world, the light of life itself. You led Jesus to his passion and your eternal spirit was there when he was on the cross. I greatly need your help and light right now. Help me that I do not close the eyes of my soul to you out of confusion or fear. Help all those around me who struggle in the same darkness. Help each of us in our present sorrow, distress and horror, to know that you are with us, guiding, strengthening with our gifts of courage, wisdom and understanding. Lift up our spirits even when there appears to be no human hope. Amen.

Although I have no watch, it’s past noon because Ghost has left the Death Row Building completely. I know this because at precisely noon the Dear Row building activities shut down completely when a condemned man is escorted into the belly of a white windowless transport van. Activities have resumed and here I sit thinking of how my life must go on even though chaos surrounds me at times. I think it would be a personal disgrace if I gave up on myself. And you wonder where the strength comes from, I’ll join you in doing the same. I may have only days to live but I will try to squeeze as much happiness as I can from them. I’ll do that.

The sun has gone down on another day and mail has been passed out. I got two letters, so it’s a good day for me. Better yet because of what is enclosed in one of the letters in particular. I feel like I’m glowing Love. It makes life worth living. All sorts of love.


2 Responses to “I may have only days to live but I will try to squeeze as much happiness as I can from them. I’ll do that.”

  1. Tina Church Says:

    I love you Roy, and will always believe in you, and fight the fight

  2. Françoise Says:

    This prayer is beautiful, dearest Roy. I will print it so that I can take it with me and say it, at anytime.
    Trying not to cry ! Your letter is so strong and heartbreaking.
    We love you so much, Roy

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