I will allow you a unique view into the bowels of the Death Row Beast where I exist

April 10, 2010 | Saturday

WHAT A PLACE to wake up to! Full realization of where I am now has finally set in. I have lost most of my privileges to a false accusation and sadistic reaction by the administration. A tight feeling of dread has taken hold of me and is assaulting me in waves of negative emotion. How else do I describe my immediate situation? I guess, like many I could pretend to be made of steel and unfeeling to protect myself from those who would love to witness my distress. I won’t crawl into a corner and hide myself from this, though. Instead, I will allow you a unique view into the bowels of the Death Row Beast where I exist. The world isn’t always a pretty place. I have been pacing back and forth, as much as this confined space will allow. I am confined in an isolation cell in the securest section on Death Row. My door is welded with extra metal plating and a reinforced plastic shield covers a thin exposed crack that allows me a view to the front of my cell. A secured recreation area is directly underneath on the first floor. However, the bars reach up into the ceiling.

Here comes another negative emotional wave. I am supposed to visit with my brother tonight but I have yet to be advised that our visit is indeed happening. This definitely is not good, but I will get past it. I always have. Maybe looking out through the back-wall window slit might distract me.

My view? It’s actually not that bad, if I look past the watchtower. I can see much more than where I was caged before, but that is only due to this building’s layout. Before me is restrained freedom. What an oxymoron: restrained freedom. Past this electric fence, past these razor wire-tipped double fences and beyond the guard tower there is a street where I see activity. Automobiles going to and fro. Past the street, I can see more than two dozen cattle gazing. Beyond the pasture is a private airport of which I can see hangars. One in particular is open and two small planes are visible. Light clouds are overhead and the sun is on its downward swing.

A sight that you would be surprised by? The warden’s home is only 100 yards beyond those razor wire-topped prison gates. Shouldn’t he be afraid? Anybody lucky enough to make it past all those gates would surely run away from that house, not to it!

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2 Responses to “I will allow you a unique view into the bowels of the Death Row Beast where I exist”

  1. Tina Church Says:

    Roy,

    The Belly of the Beast. My heart aches for you, but at the same time it empowers me to dig in deeper and deeper. The truth will come out! Remember the scriptures that I gave you. Hugs your way.

  2. Kiki Says:

    One is compelled to say: Excellent writing, great prose, fabulous vocabulary…. if it wasn’t just SO sad to read what you wrote!!! I do however think that this ‘window’ you have might do you a lot of good, view through it like a television with a ‘day programme’ – not terribly exciting but much better than a blind screen…
    Hugs and thoughts, Kiki

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